MESSY IS NOT SEXY!

Did you know that your clutter-shame could be stopping you from having an awesome, loving relationship?

Let me tell you a short story about one of my clients who we shall call Sarah – (Not her real name! – Actually she is a combination of 3 of my clients who had a similar challenge with their clutter-chaos) 

Sarah was a high flyer in her field in the NHS. She worked hard and was very kind and considerate – living a great life! As she was so busy she hardly had time to keep her place tidy, added to the fact that, rather than throw her unloved things away, she would keep them to give to her friends as and when she saw them.

She had a lot of stuff!

Unfortunately, out of the blue, she lost her Mum to a freak accident while having a routine operation.

As you can imagine, she was traumatised by this! She then had to deal with the funeral and subsequently, clearing out her Mum’s apartment. Now, she not only has her own untidy stuff she also has her Mum’s load to deal with!

She looks around at her situation with the feeling of being paralysed coming over her.  She has no idea what to do with Mums things. She doesn’t want to dishonour her Mum after she had worked so hard all her life for her things and yet, there is so much stuff that is of no use to Sarah. Plus she doesn’t want to face saying a final goodbye to Mum by getting rid of her things!

At work she appeared as though all is well – she is great at her job and she is even up for promotion, but when she gets home she was in a state of shame and guilt, day after day. It was getting her down!

If she does nothing to sort this out right now it could go from a state of “clutter” to a state of “hoarding” which has officially become recognised as a mental illness. We’d want to avoid that happening at all costs!

She had the idea of moving to a bigger place to accommodate everything. All that did was cause her to panic because of the thought of having to deal with getting rid of a lot of the stuff in a short space of time if the property sold!

Added to this, at work she was really attracted to this hunky guy. The attraction was mutual. They started dating and all seemed fine, until he noticed that every time he came to the house to pick her up for date or drop her home he realised that she would make excuses and not invite him in.

On the outside she was beautiful, popular and fun but on the inside she was full of this hidden shame of her cluttered, untidy home.

She could have explained what she was going through some personal stuff after the death of her Mum. She just needs some time to find a solution – Please don’t let this come between us!

Instead, she was so ashamed that she was not keeping a home to be “welcoming and proud of” that she said nothing. I’m sure her guy would have understood, and maybe offered to help, but he took it as though she was not interested and ended the relationship.

Having “clutter-shame” can not only stop you from having a fabulous relationship, it can also stop you from having a relaxing time with your friends and family, it can stop you from manoeuvring freely in your home. It can stop you from being the confident, fun person that you are, which can affect your work and productivity, which, in turn, could threaten your career or business. In fact it can have a knock-on effect in all areas of your life.

I was eventually referred to “Sarah” by a mutual friend and I took time to show her that Mum would understand. That although she had worked hard for those things, she is no longer around to enjoy them. Someone else out there is looking to L.O.V.E. her stuff! Also she would not want to know that her things are making Sarah so unhappy and stopping her from enjoying a happy, fulfilling, intimate relationship.

After clearing her trauma with my EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping process and setting up some new productive habits with my L.O.V.E. Your Clutter™ system, I am happy to say that Sarah freed herself from her Mum’s things (and her own excesses) and is now in a very happy, communicative and deeply loving relationship.

No more messy paralysis!

If you or anyone you know is having a tough time with messy clutter-shame then please make contact.

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Huge love and hugs and appreciation!

With L.O.V.E. – Together We Can!
Jennifer x